Practical strategies for improving relationships, managing disagreements, and dealing with difficult people in your life.
Do you have that one grumpy co-worker that seems impossible to get along with? Do you feel that disagreements get in the way of friendships? It is inevitable, we all encounter people that we do not like and do not get along with, or seem to not like us. These can be people at our school or workplace, our neighbors, and even family members.
The inevitability also occurs with people we do like; there will be words and actions from friends that can leave us steaming. What can we do when we feel we are butting heads with others and want some peace?
First, set your expectations accurately: when your expectations don't align with reality, you will feel negative regardless of the outcome.
Expect some imperfection
Expect a compromise
Expect forward and backward steps
When you do these, you will be happier, regardless of the outcome.
As part of setting expectations correctly, we need to acknowledge that there will be personalities and beliefs that will clash with our own.
Remember that you can respect another's opinion which is different from yours without compromising your own values. When someone has different beliefs and ideas, we can still get along.
It is helpful to consider relationships as investments. What efforts should we invest in?
Ask questions during contentious conversations
Hold your judgement while you listen
In disagreements, we overfocus on what the other person is doing wrong or how they are wrong.
Remember:
Your perspective is 100% valid to you, just as the others perspective is 100% valid to them.
Focus on what you do have in common
Focus on what the other person is doing right
When someone criticizes you, try not to take it personally. It is helpful to think, "that is the emotion talking."
Putting forth the effort to get along with others keeps the door open to a positive outcome
Making the decision to "throw in the towel" leaves the relationship as it is and will not lead to improvements
Important Exception: There are times such as when abuse occurs or safety becomes a concern, when we might need to end the relationship as a healthy option for both parties.
Take some time to consider your own faults and take responsibility for what you can do better. Isn't this what you expect from others?
Considering our own imperfections can help us to be more understanding and patient with others.
Pay attention to your:
Facial expressions
Vocal tone & volume
Body language
Micro expressions
People will react to those; instead give them a reason to feel respected, understood and calm.
Do you need to talk to someone but expect it to go bad? Start a conversation with the right tone. Set up the conversation for success at the beginning.
A respectful greeting sets the stage
Find something genuine to appreciate
Can speak louder than words
There are times when our best efforts won't make a connection better. Consider the benefits of:
Step back and give yourself time to recharge
Protect your emotional well-being with clear limits
A mediator can provide perspective and guidance
At Nugent Family Counseling, we know relationships can be difficult and can bring us down. If you feel professional help is needed, consider meeting with one of our therapists who can help you with your relationships and well-being.
The team at Nugent Family Counseling Center brings decades of combined experience helping individuals, couples, and families navigate mental health challenges with compassion and expertise.
If you're finding it hard to get along with others—whether at work, home, or in your personal life—our experienced therapists can help. We'll work with you to develop better communication skills, set healthy boundaries, and improve your relationships.