Master the art of assertive communication—standing up for your rights while respecting others—to build healthier, more fulfilling relationships.
On average, a person spends 80% to 90% of their time daily communicating with others (Research Gate). It is how we connect with others and build relationships. Despite years of experience communicating with others, we can still struggle to find a way to feel heard, regret when we have used dominance to make a point or feel frustration that we didn't speak up.
There is one skill that can help with these problems: assertiveness.
First, it is important to understand what assertiveness isn't.
Assertiveness is not a guarantee that you will get what you want or that others will respect you
Assertiveness is not about making others listen or agree with you
Assertiveness is not being passive nor being aggressive
These are three categories of communication styles to be aware of.
Definition: Saying nothing or agreeing with others to avoid confrontation
Problem: Leads to feeling frustrated, and often results in becoming aggressive
Definition: Being dominating and taking advantage of others
Problem: Destroys relationships and leaves people feeling isolated
Definition: Standing up for your own rights, while respecting those same rights with others
It is direct and honest communication that is self-enhancing and expressive.
Benefits:
With the understanding that assertiveness is about the ability to stand up for your rights without violating those same rights for others, what are these rights? Think of this list as a personal bill of rights that we all have.
The right to decide your values and opinions
The right to not have to justify your actions or feelings to others
The right to say 'no' when you feel a request you cannot meet or you disagree with
The right to be in positive and happy relationships and to decide to end a relationship if it doesn't meet your needs
The right to not be perfect and to make mistakes
The right to say 'I don't know' if you really don't know the answer
These rights are foundational to our happiness and the success of our relationships.
What does assertiveness look like in the real world? Assertiveness includes statements and behaviors that demonstrate confidence while respecting others.
"I have a different opinion on that, I believe..."
"This topic is important to me, I ask that you hear me out."
Assertiveness involves confidence and the belief that standing up for your rights is the right thing to do. Sometimes others will challenge our new-found assertiveness.
Remain confident in your right to be assertive, knowing you are communicating in healthy ways to help you and others to feel respected and happy.
If your best efforts aren't helping you reach your assertiveness goals, consider speaking with a therapist at Nugent Family Counseling.
Our therapists can help you develop your own unique style of assertiveness to help with any challenges you are facing.
Jon Ray LMFT
If you're struggling to find your voice, feel unheard, or want to improve your communication style, our therapists can help. We'll work with you to develop confidence, set healthy boundaries, and communicate assertively in all areas of your life.